Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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