uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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