We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
