There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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