My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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