I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
