Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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