you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
