dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
