i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
