You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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