i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
