I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
