My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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