I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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