dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
