Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
