how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
