you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
