Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
