We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
