he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
