Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize