happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
