Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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