operation harelip BJ is a go
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dignity is for republicans.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
