He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm passing your future prison.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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