The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
