i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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