Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
