I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
