for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
