We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
