K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize