Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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