I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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