My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
