He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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