There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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