I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
