I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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