I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
