I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry about my life...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
