I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
