Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
