Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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