I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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