I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
