Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
