is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
