im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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