yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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