I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
