I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
