you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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