She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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