Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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