Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
