can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
