Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
