I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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