mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
