You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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