It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
