Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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