I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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