i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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