farters have to be the big spoon...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
