i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize