1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
