yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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