Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
