he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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