Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
