I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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