eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
