I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
